HOW MANY PEOPLE AM I? MY PROBLEM WITH SIMPLE NUMBERS

In my life as a single person, with no concept of my wombtwin(s), I always wondered why I had SO MANY interests, skills, and a desire to NOT settle on one thing, because it would deprive me of doing all the other things that interested me. Focusing on one thing was very disappointing. As a child and passionate musician from the very beginning, I wanted to play ALL the instruments in the orchestra. I settled on being a pretty good violinist, but also studied the piano and flute, with accompanying sadness that I couldn’t master them too. As a college student, I did not want to choose a major, because that meant I would have to give up studying other things in depth. Being interested, and very good at, math, and also interested in French and music, I ended up as a psychology major. Although I am a pretty good speaker of the French language, I studied one year of German and Spanish, and feel sorry that I can’t speak them with more proficiency, not to mention ALL the languages in the western world.

It turns out that, as I discovered that I am a wombtwin with a brother I lost, and maybe someone else too, I learned that I have a severe problem with simple numbers. I know that “a couple” means two. Those “twos” who have tortured me by pointing out my singleness, those wedding rings that have reminded me that I am only one, and any sentences containing the word “we” or “my husband/wife/partner and I” led me into the blackest hole that was maybe responsible for discovering I am a wombtwin. The exact number “2” or any implication that someone was part of a twosome, caused me to bury myself in my house and my bed, because you can’t go into the world without encountering the above. Back to the subject: My brilliant and compassionate guide in the wombtwin journey and I discovered that I have mistaken the phrase “a couple of…” to be some undefined number, what others call “a few of,” a number of maybe 2, 3, or 4, but definitely not exactly 2. So is my “couple” my wombtwin and and I as one, my mother as the second? My 2 twins (triplets) as one and me as 2? My wombtwin and I as “one or so” and some other combination of people, such as my parents as another “one or so?” Exactly what does “a couple of” mean?

I have also learned that I do unusual and messy things when it comes to basic counting. I just bought 3 expensive tickets for my daughter and myself to a top notch award winning musical, thinking I’ll find someone for the third space (My wombtwin? My womb triplets sharing a seat because they’re so small?) I have one extra place at my kitchen table than I need, even with the expected guests that may come by, because you never know if an extra person may surprise me. While I have complained about the trauma of being in some kind of triangle all my life, which I had to manage because 3 is hard (ie. making sure my mother didn’t get jealous of my father’s relationship with me) I find myself in threes more than probability could possibly create (ie. my husband, me, and his mistress!). Listing them all would take up too much space.

In this wonderful and painful path of discovery, I find myself saying “I have done/do enough things for 3 people.” Which is true, and is causing me to explore the possibility of a third one. I am finally starting, actually forcing myself, to narrow down to 2 or 3 things, which is a great improvement from infinity. I am finding some rewards from aiming to do just “a couple of” things well. I am also trying to discover just exactly how many people I am.