December 30, 2010

December's Hello From Canada

Sorry for the late post, the holiday's have kept me well occupied.

Along with it came the usual emotional ups and downs that the season brings.

Remembering memories of bygone days.

The magic of Christmas and nastalgia heavy in the air.

My memories of those gone to the other side of life before me, my twin, Michael, my Mom and Grandad and sadly many, many others.

Carrying their memories with me, as I live the life set before, adapting , enduring and persevering with enthuiasm. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it! ;P)

Running with it, as I plough through, sometimes with childish enthuiasm, sometimes not so much. Life IS for the living after all.

So the preparing for Christmas, the prime directive.

Volenteering and baking all the goodies set aside for THIS season only. The wrapping of Christmas treasures, random deliveries for Old St. Nick, and sharing lovely memories with the near and dear.

Making more memories and etching them in my brain.

Thankfully, the weather actually cooperated with us this year.

We actually had more rain at times than snow. It made easier for travel up hill and down dale, making all necessary stops.

The usual for this time of year would have made it near impossible to get around.

Truth be told I prefered the change. From the usual frigid temperature when it plummets down to the minus double didgets.

Today, if I didn't know better, I would say it seems that spring is just around the corner.

Happily there were a few beautiful snowfalls with those huge fat flakes that just lazily drift down from the sky like feathers.

For the first time in donkey ages during one of these snowfalls, my girls and I had a big snowball fight with the neighbourhood kids.

Sides equally gathered we let loose our cold projectiles and let fly.

I haven't laughed so hard in absolute ages. It was great fun.

I highly reccomend it if the opportunity arises.

I played like a child and felt my brother Michael right there with me.

Implanting strategy and defense to help in the foray.

Sadly alas, we lost and the other team was rewarded with a handshake,

a Merry Christmas, and candycanes all around.

My sincere hope and wish is that you have the opportunity to laugh like a little child,

dance like no one is watching, and love like there's no tomorrow.

Have a wonderful, prosperous, healthy, and peace filled New Years.

Live In Peace and Peace Will Live In You...

December 23, 2010

Womb twin lunches, 2011, in England

We have set the dates for our womb twin lunches in England in 2011. If you can get there, do come! Book your place today. Althea.

December 21, 2010


Greetings to all womb twin survivors around the world on Womb Twin day. I hope that this day can be special for you, whatever stage you are at, along the healing path.

If you are just awakening to the possibility that you, or someone dear to you, is a womb twin survivor, then I wish you well on the journey you have just begun. Once you have awakened to the idea, it will not leave you alone until you have processed it completely. Your first step on the healing path has already been taken.

If you have just set out on the healing path - and maybe have my ebook as a guide - than I hope you will explore the links on the web site so you can know as much as possible about what can happen when one twin dies. There are dozens of possible scenarios and only one applies to you, so keep on learning more and more. Try some of these articles, as a start.

If you have been on the healing path for a while but are losing impetus, remember that you may be resisting healing. Here is a little movie to spur you on.

If you are getting to the end of your healing path and its time to face the fact of your twins death by a funeral ritual or a ritual of remembrance, today may be a good day to do it. Chose earth, fire, air or water as your element, and conduct a burial, a burning, or a release into the air or onto water. I have been an assistant at many rituals of this kind and mixed with the sadness is a lightness and joy - if that is your choice, do let us know how you got on. There are poems on the website that express this paradoxical feeling very well.

Lastly, if you have conducted your ritual and have said goodbye to your twin, (perhaps more than one if you are the survivor of a multiple conception) it may be good to create a memorial. We have our new memorial site and we welcome new memorials, so why not take a look? Details here.

I will be thinking of you today.  Please let us know what you did and I will put it on my blog.

I am always here, I answer emails as quickly as I can. You can find articles, stories, movies and poetry on my Womb Twin Survivors web site.

The New Year 2011 will bring the publication of my new book, "Womb Twin Survivors ; the lost twin in the Dream of the Womb. " Details here.

I am very excited that this is almost finished, after many years of researching it and nearly two years of writing it. I hope it will help many of you to heal this overlooked and profound primal wound, which we womb twin survivors all share, and which can be healed.

With best wishes for a peaceful and healing experience on Womb Twin Day.


December 20, 2010

Approaching Womb Twin Day....

December the 21st can be a big day for some of us. Acknowledging that I wanted to hold up a candle of hope: you can heal. You can heal. Yes, you really can heal. (People have already walked the path to complete healing from the loss of a wombtwin/s & you can, too.) Please also realise that you do not have to heal: it is your life & your choice. Whatever you're feeling & wherever you are, warm wishes to you on Womb Twin Day.

December 12, 2010

Frida Kahlo

She was a wonderful Mexican artist who painted many self-portraits, she was obcessed by her immage. Frida Kahlo's Foundation site writes in her biography: Of her 143 paintings, 55 are self-portraits which often incorporate symbolic portrayals of physical and psychological wounds.
She insisted, "I never painted dreams. I painted my own reality".
I bet she did!
Look here a slideshow of her paintings. Here is one where she even painted two Fridas...

This is my homage to her, and to you all.

November 21, 2010

November's Hello from Canada

The frigidity of the winter season has snuck up on us here in B.C.
The frozen blanket of the white stuff glistens by the light of the moon as the barometer plunges into minus double digits.
The beauty of the fresh fallen snow is almost reverent as it lends a clean, quiet tranquility to our surrroundings. As we gear up for the Season of giving and good cheer.

November is a month that has alot of milestones for me.
It is not only the month I was born (on the 20th and Michael, my twin was delivered).
It is also the anniversary of my last cancer treatment, November 18, 24 years ago.
I was a mere 17 yr old when diagnosed with stage 3b Hodgekin's Disease.
Against the odds, it took 2 years, 4 treatments, and a multitude of surgeries to bring me back to the land of the living.

Like clock work, though, starting the week before, I find myself down right melancholy.
Still, 44 years later I find myself sad, bordering on depressed.

I have alot to be happy about.
My story IS somewhat of a miracle...

Yet, I find myself closing off to people in my life.
I isolate myself and am sometimes snarky towards my family.
I struggle to let people 'in'.

I am learning more and more about being the sole survivor of a multiple birth,
I try to be more sensitive to the signs.
So I can do my best to make the necessary adjustments.

These built in warnings I've learned are my body's way to let me know someone very important in my life is gone.
I was once deadened to these warnings.
Thanks to this site, my awareness and understanding has grown.

As I get older and my journey in this life continues, my heart becomes more open to acknowledging my earliest experiences.
Most importantly the person who shared the most intimate relationship I have ever had,
my 'womb mate'.
My twin, Michael leaves an impact on me, to this day.
I don't expect it will ever change.

Maybe the experience will become a less painful as I continue my journey of survival.
Along with my awareness on how much I have been affected by his loss.

What I know for certian, is that the more I validate my brother, and his impact on my life.
The easier his absence from my life becomes.

I also know we need to validate ourselves as the twinless twins we are.
It is the only way we can find the road to recovery.
Even if we never got the chance to share that twin bond outside the womb.
We are still twins inside our hearts.

Live In Peace and Peace Will Live In You!

November 01, 2010

Information session and workshop, NYC, May 2011

I will be in New York in May 2011, on Saturday 7th to be exact. I will be holding an information session, with all the latest research results and also running a workshop. I will have copies of my new book to sign and Monica and Barbara will be there too with plenty to add from their own experience.

Book your place TODAY and we will contact you with details of venue and payment.

See you there!


October 30, 2010

William Shatner has a programme on TV, here in Canada, called "Weird or What?". Weird name for a telly programme and I had not watched it until last night when, for some reason, I decided to give it a go. He was telling three "Weird" stories. The first was, in no way, weird to me as I have dealt with this situation in my work and, as I am not a scientist, never considered it to be weird. He was telling the story of a man who had had a heart transplant and, thereafter, developed the tastes, personality and preferences of the donor. As the heart is the seat of all of life's issues that does not seem remotely weird to me, but it did to Mr Shatner and so it was investigated. What was amazing to me was that scientists were interviewed who agreed that this could happen! They were of the opinion that cells retain memory of who we are; especially the cells of the heart and brain. Next he investigated perfect circles of ice in rivers. Again I did not find this to be weird. Surely, I thought, there must be some kind of eddy. In due course, this was proved to be the case. Having got this far through the programme I thought I might as well see what the last weird item was and I have to say I am glad I did.
A couple in the USA were in need of financial assistance and applied for State aid. I do not understand the process but that does not matter, the point which does matter is that they were required to provide DNA samples to prove that they were the parents of the four children for whom they were claiming benefits. So far so good. He was found to be the father of all three but she was found to be the mother of.......none! Her DNA did not match that of any of the children. How could this be, as she was the mother; there was SO much evidence to support her claim to be the mother, yet the DNA did not support it. Well, to cut a long story short, it transpires that there is a ..........I'm not sure what it is........condition, syndrome, occurrence, thing?...........where twins are created in utero and then merge to become one human being. It is called Chimera. It occurs at a very early stage of development; when there are only two or four cells. This results in the person having two sets of DNA. If it happens later and the twins were male and female then the person born would be hermaphrodite. If the merging takes place at a later stage still then there would be conjoined twins (as I understand it, remember I am NOT a scientist!) The DNA inherited by the lady's children was from her ovaries, but it was a different DNA to that found in her hair and cheeks. When DNA samples were taken from the usual places the DNA did not match that of the children. When she gave birth to their fourth child the judge ordered that an official was present and that samples were again taken, but yet again this child was, genetically, not hers! The true situation was discovered when they took DNA samples from her cervix and found a second set of DNA.

They said that there are only 40 people known to have this DNA anomaly IN THE WHOLE WORLD! Naturally, it set me thinking about womb twin survivors; could any of us have two sets of DNA? I enclose the link to Wikipaedia on the subject of Chimera, if you scroll down to "See Also" and click on Lydia Fairchild you will find the story of this lady (the version here is slightly different to the Weird or What one, but not markedly so). What an amazing story! What a frightening situation for her to be in! What an interesting thought to think that any of us could actually have, within us, our twin's DNA.

October 28, 2010

I am a bunch of people

I found a way towards healing my twin loss wounds by giving myself permission to stay connected, I could even say, fused with my twin(s). My life is their life too, we are together here and now, and when ever I realize this everything changes. Because it helps me to understand my mood changes, my difficultys in relationship, and other subtil things in my character that cause my suffering. It's a refief to know that I am "a great bunch of guys", it makes me realy happy, it lightens me up from inside! :-)

Talking to a therapist about it I got this explanations and I must share them with you, because they are healing words:

Transitions that shift the physical presence of twins on earth do not mean that the connection between them is broken and the relationship is over. Its quite the contrary in my experience. The twinship lives on with a strong power that effects one's life in numerous ways. When it is owned, integrated and given a sanctuary inside one's heart, it can be a force that enhances, enriches and empowers one's life.

Though a clear 'goodbye' might be something that is healing for some people, for others it is the very acceptance and connection with one's twin that brings freedom and a new ability to live. Even if one comes to a place of saying some kind of a 'goodbye', whatever that means for that individual, the 'goodbye' is often simply a means of finding a new and different way of holding the twin connection and allowing it to live on.

What is important is that each surviving twin find the way that will enable them to ultimately embrace, own and celebrate their own life while integrating their twin loss. Everyone must find their own way of integrating their twin loss. Some stay actively and consciously connected with their twins; others may go unconscious and spend their life seeking to fill the void or find the one who left; while others might find other strategies that ultimately do or don't become supports for their own growth.

Twinship, weather there is loss or not, is not something that one says good bye to in my experience. It is something that one holds dear, misses, yearns for, deeply embraces, remembers, celebrates, honors and ultimately accepts and moves forward with. It is in the acceptance of one's twinship and the twins transitional loss that one can establish a new connection with one's own individual path as well as one's twin(s).

You sound as if you have connected to your own guidance and knowing about what path is right for you. It sounds as if your deeper wisdom, relative to your lost twins, is showing you how to walk forward in a way that will support you to stay connected and also live a joyous, free and integrated life; and that is what we all want and need.

This is a testimony of what it might be like to be a bunch of guys. Enjoy!

October 26, 2010

October 12, 2010

Vanishing twin syndrome - by a womb twin survivor

Dr Denise Moffat has some interesting observations about womb twin survivors.

The Vanishing Twin Syndrome is personified by certain personality characteristics, gestational features and spiritual lessons. There is a higher incidence of this syndrome in healers. The theory is that if they could not save their own twin, their destiny is to dedicate themselves to saving others in the world. Do you have a vanishing twin?

Lawrence Wright’s article, Double Mystery published in the New Yorker, August 7, 1995 explained that one out of eighty or ninety live human births produces twins. With the advent of ultrasonography it has been determined that at least one-eighth of all natural pregnancies begin as twins. This is evident when the first ultrasound detects twins and the second one does not. So what happens to these twins? Often, one  external sign of a vanishing twin is vaginal bleeding. Using emotional clearing, I often detect vanishing twins. It seems to be more common with people in “care-giving” fields. Here are some of the findings and similarities I have put together over the years with Vanishing Twin Syndrome patients:

Typical Personality Characteristics of the Surviving Twin:

Control Issues: The surviving twin often has control issues and it may be based on the premise that since they couldn’t control what happened in utero, they are doing everything in their power to do so now.
Survivor’s guilt: There is a lot of survivor’s guilt for taking the nutrition from the vanishing twin, not being able to help prevent the death of the twin and viewing this resorption process in utero. Once identifying this occurrence, the patient must go through the grieving process like in any death of someone that means a great deal to them. They experience loss, guilt, grief and anger at being separated from the twin. Sometimes the survivor does not care if they live or die and may occasionally have thoughts of suicide.
No competition: Survivors don’t usually like competitive sports unless they are competing against themselves. They subconsciously feel that if they compete with others, death may result. They want everyone to get along and work together.
Sabotaging relationships: Sabotaging happens when relationships start going too well. The superconscious/subconscious thinking is that if they get close to someone that they will be in danger and might die from the actions of the surviving twin. Because they love this person so much, they will push them away to protect them. They also seem to self-sabotage to make sure they have paid for what their role was that caused their twin to depart in utero.
Not deserving: The survivor often feels they don’t deserve all the good this world has to offer so they find ways to exclude themselves from receiving good. They are major givers, but not very accepting takers.
Money issues: These are motivated people. Because they do such good in the world, often money follows. The problem is that Vanishing Twins don’t seem to be able to hold onto the money because they self-sabotage. Survivor’s guilt prevents them from using the money for their own care. They give it away or let it flow through their hands, not keeping any of it for themselves.
Fascination with or friends with twins: Twins have a special energetic bonding with each other which lasts their entire lives. Just because your twin left you in utero, doesn’t break that energetic bond. And if you don’t feel your twin still around you, naturally you will be attracted to twin energy.
Feeling abandoned, left out, and excluded: These are the kids who get picked last for the team, who don’t make friends easily and feel like other’s can’t relate to what they are going through. They are searching for close relationships but can’t seem to find them. Often they would rather spend time with older people than kids their own age.
Low self-esteem, lack of self-love: This is one of the major Spiritual lessons that the survivor must work through before they can fully be the gift to the world that God intends. Low self esteem is intertwined with Unconditional Love of Self, Trust and Discernment, and Worthiness lessons. See handout on Spiritual Lessons for more on this.
Vanishing Twins are often in the Healing Field: Since they could not heal the situation in utero, they are intent on healing the world and saving others. There are lots of surviving twins who are massage therapists, doctors and nurses.
Vanishing Twins say or think, “I wish I could find somebody like me.”
Other Weird Stuff: I actually had one woman I was working on take out a picture from her wallet to show me who her vanishing twin was. She explained that she believed in reincarnation and that she somehow felt attached to this man. When I asked her if she had ever met the man she said she hadn’t, but that she felt compelled to cut his picture out and carry it around with her. At the time she had had the picture in her wallet for over two years.
How much do you know about your gestation and birth? The following items are clues in determining if you have a vanishing twin:
Trauma to the mother: Three to four months in utero is about the time the twin “checks out” and is being reabsorbed by the body. What are some causes? Some include getting hit in the stomach, car accidents, falling down a flight of stairs, emotional trauma, experiencing high fever from an illness, violent vomiting, etc.
Did your mother smoke? Studies show that smoking lowers the oxygen content of the blood so less oxygen is available to the fetus. Smoking is also associated with low birth weights. So does that mean there is less available nutrition for two fetuses?
History of twins in the bloodlines: Are there twins in the family? If so, there is a greater chance of repeating that within the same family lines.
Long labor: Here’s how this works–when you have one baby ready to come out, the placenta (the sac that contains the fetus) and the pituitary gland produce a certain amount of a hormone called oxytocin (also called pitocin). The function of oxytocin is to cause muscular contractions to push the baby out. So, if there are two babies, then there is a proportionately larger amount of oxytocin. But, if one of the fetuses dies, there is not enough oxytocin to push out the extra residual placenta associated with the dead fetus, and the birthing process takes much longer. These days, a cesarean section is performed when the shutdown occurs to take the stress off the fetus.
No ultrasound background: If you were born before the 60’s, most likely your mom did not have an ultrasound so twins could easily be missed. An x-ray was only rarely taken because we didn’t want to expose the baby to radiation unnecessarily.
Giving birth in a hospital before the 70’s: There used to be a time when doctors only gave their patient the information they thought they needed to know at the time. If the mother had a difficult birth or there was extra placenta or a resorbed fetal membranes, the doctor gave these to the nurse who disposed of them and did not tell the mother about it. I think midwives were a little more open to this miracle and included mothers in the information they gathered about their birthing and findings. Many midwives I’ve talked with have these placentas in their freezers and use them to educate other midwives about the process. Also, some midwives would save these extra placental tissues for the mother for a special burial ceremony later.
Many eggs released, few fertilized: A woman’s ovaries produce hundreds of thousands of eggs from the ovarian tissue over her reproductive lifetime. Only a few of these are released each month. It takes the influence of several million sperm surrounding the egg for one to finally penetrate the egg and fertilize it. It seems as we get older, that twins are more common. Maybe it’s our body’s last ditch effort to procreate.
Imperfections or improper nutrients reaching both feti: It would make sense that not every egg is perfect and not every sperm is perfect. When the imperfection is too great, problems can occur in regards to the available nutrition for one or both of the babies. When this happens, the fetus starves and is then resorbed back into the body. The remaining fetus then has enough nutrition to grow to full-term.
Do you have any dermoid cysts? This is a little tumor made of every conceivable type of cell from skin cells, hair cells, tooth cells and more. Evidence of a resorbed fetus or a vanishing twin? I think so.

Life Lessons associated with the Vanishing Twin Syndrome:
These are the typical issues that the surviving twin must work through to live a full, happy, and productive life. Although many other people without twins also have to work through these issues, I see these lessons every time with those who have a vanishing twin.

  • I love and accept myself unconditionally.
    I am important and a gift to our world.
    I deserve all the good this world has to offer.
    I am worthy.
    I forgive myself.
    I forgive God/Jesus/My Higher Power.
    God loves me.
If you relate to some of this information, you may have a vanishing twin. I would recommend the article: Life in the Womb: Dangers and Opportunities by David B Chamberlain, Ph.D.

© 2005 by Dr. Denice M. Moffat

This article comes with reprint rights providing no changes are made and the resource box below accompanies it.

Dr. Denice Moffat is a practicing naturopath, medical intuitive, and veterinarian working on the family unit (which includes humans and animals) through her phone consultation practice established in 1993. She has a content-rich website at and free monthly newsletter.  She has a vanishing twin sister.

October 04, 2010

The conference! What a result!

Well, we managed it, after a real struggle to get  enough people. In the end we went forward with a group of 11, and we had to adapt things to their needs, but the open space format helped, because we were able to negotiate two presentations and two workshops, which seemed to satisfy everyone.  The group was a bit too small to  split, everyone thought, so we did everything as a single group. The rain fell relentlesly and occasionally there was a glimpse of sun, we  mixed and mingled talked and drank a great deal of tea and coffee in the corridor outside, and browsed the literature table and shop.

The presentations were, first, about a study of womb twin survivors carried out in Hungary  - yes, Viktoria Sas came all the way from Hungary to be there! - that compared a group of 14 people ( out of a total of 114) who had found their womb twin in a family constellation group with the others who had not, using a questionnaire similar to mine but with some different statements. The same proportion appeared: 1 in 8 of the group were womb twu survivors. Also the commonest effect was "searching for something but not knowing what it is". Also a need to control and perfectionism were found also to be significant effects. 

{As Viktoria is skilled at statistics,she  has offered to help me with analysing the questionnaire results when I have 1000. I also have another English Victoria who is skilled at statistical analysis and has offered her services free. Two new volunteers!}

Then secondly Alfred Ramoda Austermann from Berlin explained some of the healing techniques he  had developed to help people with trauma and in particular the trauma of losing a twin before birth. His particular skill is family constellation.

After  a substantial lunch in the dining hall with many other people who had come  to the centre  for meetings that day ( there were about 8 other groups doing other things, a busy day for the centre!) It  was time to tackle the thorny issue of sexuality, then another tea break. and we were exploring the general topic of twinship.

On Sunday we  made a ritual enactment of the healing path, using all kind of props, such white  black and silver cloth,pink ballons, stones, scarves, boxes and even horse chestnuts!  As each person walked their healing path , we all watched in wonder as the props became a Black hole, the essence of Spirit, Alpha energy, trouble, memories and different gender energy.  Beautiful!

Finally  after the Annual genetral meeting of, we sat round and planned the next event. Ill describe that on the blog.

In  all, the  wonderful, special energy in the group that is typical of womb twin survivors, I have discovered, and three new volunteers to help with the organisation.

A  good result. I am glad we didn't cancel!

September 25, 2010

September's Hello From Canada

It is gorgeous today, here in B.C.
The sun shines for the first time in a couple of days.
Reminicient of summers heat and slower pace.
It never seizes to amaze me how quickly summer fades,
on the heels of fall, as it bursts forth in a splendor of colour.
Even if those colours are in all shades of grey, at times.
The reds, yellows and golds of fall are so beautiful here.
With today's backdrop of an endless light blue sky as the sun shines down.

I'm sorry I have no idea of how the rest of the world's seasons change, having not spent significant time anywhere but here. (And a 6 week vacation on the Big Island of Hawaii when I was 15.)
The landscape in B.C. it is truely something to behold during fall.

I feel very blessed as I listen to my harpist, daughter lovingly pluck her harp's strings into a fleeting melody.
As my younger daughter, loves on me with her kindness, doing this and that for me.
As I am busy writing today. The first free time I have had to do so in a while.
My cup runneth over!

These are the memories that stays with a person for a lifetime.
Memories, and a safe place I have tried to create for my children.
Through the tumultuous storms in life, there is always the safe harbour that's home.

As I recall my own childhood. A time in which I did not always feel safe.
I felt it was only me against this big world, with no one on my side.
I was the outsider in my own family growing up.
(A fact gleaned from my oldest sister one time, when I actually had the guts to ask.)
Everyone looked to me as an oddity, 'a freak of nature', because I was the one who survived against the odds. They seemed to walk on eggshells when around me.

At times I believe my safe place died along with my twin brother, Michael.
As a child, I always thought, I would have felt safer and not so alone if he had not died.

As I reflect back now, Michael would have died this month, 43 years ago.
This is my very first realization that Michael passed away in the month of September.
Two months later I would be born and Michael, delivered.

Ah ha! Light bulb moment here, people! No wonder I do my darndest to hold onto summers warmth.
I am usually fighting fall kicking and screaming.
(As I sit on my back patio enjoying the sun's heat in a tank top, shorts, and flip flops.)
My body's memory remembers even if I do not.
I, unknowlingly have fought the end of summer because deep down,
I knew it was when Michael's life ended.

As I recover from this new realization, I see there IS a reason for everything.
I peel back the layers of my life for re-examination on this summer-like day.
I pause in the faster pace of fall's embrace.
I sit here,
with a new understanding,
in the changed pace that weekends afford.
As it lends the opportunity to recall the past.
Which is a rare luxury during one of the busiest times of the year.

Back to school and the many activities we resume now that the summer break is over.
It gives little time for enjoying the scene put forth, or time for repose.
Those activities we must jealously guard in hopes for preservation.
I will guard those fleeting moments as they arise.

The older I get, the quicker the days seem to fly past.
Cherishing and holding onto those moments shared with my girls.
Memorizing all those little things that make life so worthwhile and treasured.
Along with those quiet fleeting moments, treasured in the
sun's warmth and in summers memory.
As we do our best to pace ourselves in falls chill, painted splendor, and busier pace.

Live In Peace And Peace Will Live In You...

September 17, 2010

Books for young womb twin survivors

We are beginning a project for womb twin survivor babies and children. Already, Valerie Samuels has written a lovely book for  young womb twin survivors.

She has written about  her experiences here.

Also there is Claudia Pinheiro's boook, based on a story told to her by her own daughter about her twin, available through Wren Publications.

Claudia will be speaking about her book, which she has developed into a workbook, at the conference in the UK on 1st October.  (more here) 

Then there is another book for children being prepared for 2011 as a "Womb Twin Book" - the first of many books we hope, specially-developed for womb twin survivors and their families. More about that later! 


September 14, 2010

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to remind that there is still space left for our coming wombtwincafé on Saturday, September 18th.

For more in formation go to

Hope to meet you there!


Hallo iedereen,

Ter herinnering wilde ik nog even vermelden dat er nog plaatsen vrij zijn voor ons wombtwincafé van zaterdag aanstaande (18 september)

Voor meer informatie surf naar

Ik hoop jullie daar te ontmoeten!


A modern perspective on womb twin survivors.

One of our members, Lynda Haddon, wrote this article about my recent book which deals with a womb twin survivor. I thought other members might benefit from what she says from an even more modern perspective than I'd ever considered.

"There is a life before life that most often goes unrecorded and even unrecognized in the human journey. It is life in the womb; a space for incubation often treated as a pre-history of no special consequence to the life narrative that follows. As technology has sharpened our gaze into this ambiotic existence, human experience has been irrevocably altered. Such gains in insight can also create losses, unexpected twists and turns of ante-natal life that can carry great significance.

A woman, pregnant, seeing her first ultrasound image can see the outline of two babies. Then, a follow-up appointment, a second ultrasound, and the twin has vanished. A precious child is gone, a sibling lost, and so is a unique parenting experience.

The fate of the Vanishing Twin remains enigmatic. Was it an apparition, an aberration of imaging, or a legitimate loss, a being leaving no trace of its existence apart from a searing image in its mother’s and often its womb-mate’s mind?

It is not uncommon for people, seemingly ignorant of this ‘loss’ to develop fantasies about “being with someone else,” or needing to live their lives for two. Is it a personal memory of womb life or an intuition of an unexpressed part of their mother’s mind?  

If told later in life about the loss, there are often feelings of relief at not being “crazy” but sometimes too, anger and distress at not being told all along. 

Sylvia Dickey Smith‘s novel. A WAR OF HER OWN makes an important contribution to womb-twin survivors by raising awareness of this phenomenon and educating others as to what can be its long-term possible emotional effects.

“…..I used to feel guilty for being alive,” observed one survivor who lost her 
womb-mate early in her mother’s pregnancy, “I thought my parents hated me because I was not it……I often feel very alone and low.”

We know that multiples (twins, triplets etc) are aware of each other in utero. Hence, when womb-mates fail to survive, a rent in the fabric of identity can be the result for the womb-twin survivor. Being with another at this formative stage of life can surely leave a lasting impression with reverberating impact. How to grieve a life that in many ways wasn’t? How to mourn a Vanishing Twin when there is no one to validate its life? Here, we have a baby of technology, an image on a photo, a welcome addition whose existence remains un-named.

New technologies are also creating new losses that society has yet to fully 
acknowledge. The culling of fetuses following in vitro implantation when too many take hold is a prime example. A necessary step to improve the chances of survival of the other babies, it can nonetheless complicate post-natal life for parents and for those babies who survive. A major hurdle is that a loss must be recognized before it can be grieved. Such losses, therefore, can pass under the radar of what society views as a legitimate loss. A loss unnamed, of course, is not necessarily a loss unrecognized at a deeper emotional level.

Lynda Haddon
Multiple Birth Educator
Multiple Birth:  Prenatal Education & Bereavement Support
Recipient of a Community Builder's Award from United Way for her work in the multiple birth community and with the Ottawa Coalition for the Prevention of Low Birth Weight.  Recipient of two Awards from Multiple Births Canada for her work both nationally and internationally.

September 13, 2010

Conference versus workshops

I have been thinking about the conferences we have arranged so far: the feedback in every case has been, "May we have more time to talk to each other?"  So I have done that, and this year, as we are all at the same conference centre, 24 hours a day, there will be plenty of time to mix and mingle and feel that blessed relief that comes from being in a room full of womb twin survivors, who all understand how you feel.  [details here]

However, there is so much more that can be offered, not just an annual conference. I am going to experiment -  on my own initiative this time, not through - with a weekend workshop, for womb twin survivors only and not more than 8 people.

Can I have some feedback on how this could be carried out? Theoretically, if you were to come to a weekend workshop (Friday evening to Sunday afternoon)  what kind of thing would you like to experience?

I was thinking of April 2011, at the same place as this years conference.  What do you all think?

August 27, 2010


Today I become MY OWN: From Womb Twin to Womb Twin Survivor

Two years ago TODAY, August 27, 2008, I began the celebration of my 50th birthday at the Primary Chiropractic Center in Manchester, Missouri. It was there that an Applied Kinesiology and Brain Integration Technique Professional confirmed in the spoken word what I have instinctively known all my life. I am a twin! My twin sister’s name is Joy. We are identical female twins, both redheads, I am the savior/caretaker/protector/leader…Joy is the introvert who loves mint ice cream. (well, Joy can be quite spunky and boisterous, too, when she wants to be ; - ) ).
Today is August 27, 2010 and today I learn to stand on my own. I am no longer a wombtwin, I am, today, for the first time in my life a WOMB TWIN SURVIVOR. What is the difference, you ask? Joy is gone, I AM HERE! I will move on with my life from this day forward as ONE INDIVIDUAL, alone, a little sad, and yet peaceful in a way I do not yet fully understand, and that is okay!
My birthday cake today will be a ritual sending off party for my beautiful sister Joy, whose memory is now honored and recognized on the IN MEMORIAL page of the WOMB TWIN WORLD website. I will always and forever be a twin. I will always and forever love Joy. But today I become ME, JUST ME! My Birthday cake will be a symbol as I will begin the day with TWO sets of candles –TWO 5’s and TWO 2’s on my cake. I will end the day with ONE set of candles, MINE! And to help concretize the moving on of Joy and the wholeness and new beginnings for me, the open "wound" on the top of the cake from the REMOVAL of the second set of candles will be lovingly and wholistically filled with new and fresh and beautiful icing symbolizing the new wholeness that is ME! ME, ME, ME, ME, and oh by the way, ME !!!!
My dearest Jo-y, as we say goodbye to one way of “knowing” each other and enter into our new way of “knowing” ourselves, may I say it has been difficult to love both of us and live for both of us. I need my freedom now, oh sweet one, to live the rest of my life, alone. I will always remember you but I shall no longer take care of you. You do not need that from me. It is I, as the survivor, who needs the care now. Your role as my sister is not eliminated, only changed. You live in heaven. I live on earth. That is our reality. I know that now. It is time to live that reality .
And so to you, my dearest Jo-y, I dedicate this 52nd birthday. And to ME, Josephine, I CELEBRATE this 52nd Birthday as the first day of the rest of MY OWN LIFE.
Peacefully, lovingly and with IMMENSE love, I wish glory and fulfillment to us both, each in our own ways, each in our own worlds. I love you Jo-y and I must let you go. You are FREE today and SO AM I. Is there any better gift? For today, I see nothing more beautiful and glorifying than to FREE you to God and FREE ME to survive and thrive on earth to love and serve others and myself. It is my calling and so I shall follow it.
With tremendous respect and immense love to all of us who walk this path,
Love you ALL so very much, I could NEVER have come to this moment without YOU by my side.
Blessings abundant to all…but today ESPECIALLY BLESSINGS to ME !!!!! AMEN. Love, Josephine

August 25, 2010

My journey to being a twin was interrupted when my twin died and completed when I found Wombtwin Survivors.
The pieces of the puzzle were collected over a period of about 30 years; from a question from my mother when I was on Maternity secondment, to a vision of my twin's death, to reading Althea's work. The pieces just all fell into place; my soul knew the truth and the truth set me free.

My work as an Aman Cara takes me into many of the nooks and crannies of the soul....of understanding some of my own is revealing to say the least.
I knew I was searching for something........but what?
I knew I was different to everyone I know......but why?
I knew I wanted relationships which were deep, intense and personal........but why doesn't anyone else?
I knew I would never know.............but I was wrong.

I am a twin. My brother died before we were born. I am not alone there are others like me and they too want the kind of relationship I want.
I have already felt connected to Althea, like a big sister, and Andrew, in Ireland, like a brother. I have other 'siblings' out in the world. Men and women who lost their twin before they could even know them; but they did know them and that makes life very confusing.

The New Testament of the Bible was written in Greek and translated into English. English is a very limited language in many ways and the translators translated two Greek words with one English word......"know".
The two Greek words mean...'to know intellectually' and ....'to know by special relationship'. We did not know (intellectually) our twins, but we did know (have a special relationship with) them.

Listen to your heart and follow your peace. You are not alone.

August 20, 2010

August post from B.C., Canada

Dog Days of Summer...

It sure has been hot (35 degrees celcius yesterday) in my little part of the world.
For this time of year, almost record breaking.
Don't get me wrong , all year round , I look forward to the summers heat.
Especially in the winter when the snow is almost waist deep.
Living in the desert of B.C. sure has taught us how to manage the day to stay cool.
The windows covered in the heat of the day, to keep the heat in the house to a minimum.
A/C on maximum, fans a blowing in every room that has no A/C.
Staying up till the birds come up some nights, sleeping till the afternoon, hours you could never keep Sept. to June. (thankfully, I work in the school system so I get the same holidays with my kids)
The dangers of a hot summer, is evident all around my Beautiful British Columbia.
In the air a haze as the smoke rises from the forest fires as they change the landscape.

When I was a kid, I remember those dog days of summer differently.
The world seemed alot cleaner, fresher some how. Yes, summers were hot and spent splashing around a pool somewhere.
Endless lazy days spent baking in the hot sun on a towel, day dreaming about my twin, listening to the radio.
Days so hot you couldn't wait for them to end. Enjoying those balmy nights listening to the crickets sing their song.
When you just wanted the season to change for the cooler temperature.
The second it cooled off, you would feel that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach knowing that back to school would be just around the corner.
School was a very difficult experience for me.
It was the place where I became painfully aware that I was very different from everyone else.
I was missing my twin, I was undiagnosed dyslexic, I had a definate learning disability, on top of all that, from chronic ear infections I was/am hard of hearing. I became a master lip reader and faked my way through.
I did not fit in, square peg, round hole.
I did not understand what was going on half the time. I had very few friends, no confidante.
My coping mechanism was to go off in my own little world. The world where it was Michael and I.
We were together, and it was me and him against this big, crazy world.
In the hot, dog days of summer we would play, sun up to sun down.
Only going home for food. Michael, Rocka (our golden lab) and I would chase the horses, bare footed with only our bathing suites on. Running the in back field (paddock), pretending we were running with our pack of wild mustangs.
Or we would hang up side down in the cherry tree, head to head, quietly giggling, spying on who ever was down below.
Or we would fall asleep under the stars, listening to the quiet sounds of summer.
Safe, secure, loved, and understood!
Where I was no longer ALONE, AFRAID, and HURTING.
The way be would have been, if this was the perfect world of my dreams.
Thankfully, I have had the summers unscheduled luxury to have been able to reflect on these precious, but forgotten lazy dog days of summer...
Thank-you Althea for this forum to share... Live in Peace and Peace Will Live in You!

August 15, 2010

Althea Interviews Sylvia About Her Historical Fiction of a Wombtwin Survivor

Althea and I (Sylvia) did an interview recently about my latest book just out called A War Of Her Own the story of a young woman during WWII who is a womb twin survivor. Although fiction, this story is loosely based on my mother and her family during that time period. I asked for the privilege of posting the interview here in case the story might strike a chord with our blog readers.

Althea:  Hallo Sylvia.  I am delighted to see that you have included a womb twin survivor in your novel. As someone who works with womb twin survivors I am always pleased when someone mentions it. How did this idea come to you?

Sylvia: Hi, Althea, and thank you for allowing me to talk about my newest book A War Of Her Own.  I do believe this story will speak to womb twin survivors—it spoke to me, and I am one, too! Actually, the writing of the work greatly facilitated my healing.

A War Of Her Own is set in my hometown of Orange, Texas. For those of you who don’t know Texas, Orange is just a few miles from the Gulf of Mexico—where hurricanes are want to blow and mosquitoes—lots of mosquitoes—grow as big as dragonflies. Not really, but at times they seem like they're that big, but a lot more ferocious. The Sabine River separates Orange, Texas from southwest Louisiana—Cajun country.

A War Of Her Own is set during a fascinating period—World War II, when the small town’s population exploded 700% almost overnight when local shipyards gained contracts with the Department of Defense to build warships such as destroyers, destroyer escorts, landing craft, tugboats and the like. 

People still suffering the backlash of the Great Depression flooded the town for the jobs there, now for the taking. Soon, all hell broke loose. Society and culture changed right before people’s eyes. Women took jobs previously performed by men--and did them well! Many families slept in rented “hotbeds”—beds still warm from the body of the person who just arose and went to work at shipyards working around the clock. War housing was built over night on river sand pumped in from the river bottom.

Before I started the book, I knew it would be a story told through the eyes of a woman. The title, A War Of Her Own came to me before the plot. The rest of the story unfolded as I wrote the first draft.

Althea: Did you imagine one of your characters as a womb twin survivor right at the start or did it kind of creep up on you as an idea?

Sylvia: It crept up on me. I’ve always been fascinated with that period of history, particularly the effects it had on my hometown and my family. My parents lived in Orange during that time period and I remember so many stories I’ve heard over the years about what life was like. I’d tuck those ideas away, pull them out and work on the project for a while. Then I’d stall over the hook and put it aside. I knew my character, I knew my setting, but I didn’t know why she was so sad. Many stories revolve around family secrets, but I didn’t know hers. Then several elements in my life clicked and the whole idea of writing a story about a womb twin survivor cemented itself in my psyche. I picked up the story again and didn’t stop until I completed it.

Althea: Fascinating. Now do you think that (your main character) was molded by this early experience in any way?

Sylvia: Oh, absolutely. I think that because I believe I am a womb twin survivor. I was born many years before there was such a thing as ultra-sound. However, I spent many years crying myself to sleep at night, feeling like I lived in a half-empty womb—a womb both a graveyard and a birthing chamber.

Then, several years ago I stumbled on your website and recalled hearing my mother talk about one day during the early stages of her pregnancy with me. She stood at her ironing board ironing when a gush of blood poured down her legs and into her shoes. Another day, my sister told of once when she, Dad and Mom went to a local carnival and as soon as they stepped onto the fairway, blood again started pouring down Mom’s legs and they had to go home. Both times, my mother thought she had miscarried. Either that, or her period had just been late. She did not go to a doctor, which was common in those days. Later, she realized she was still pregnant.

When I learned about womb twin survivors, my life fit the model. I knew then why I had always felt the way I had. I was a surviving twin—or triplet. When I told my older sister, it rang true with her. (She remembered all those nights when she lay beside me while I cried, feeling so unlovable.)

Althea: Did you have to do much research to make sure you got it right or did you draw your ideas from your personal experience of being a womb twin survivor yourself?

Sylvia: Yes and no. My research about womb twin survivors is told from personal experience, confirmed by what I’ve learned from you and other websites on the topic. My research included the historical aspect of the era. What it was like for women who went to work as a riveter. For the symptoms of the womb twin survivor, I worked from personal experience. I know there is much more to the effects of being a womb twin survivor—much more than my experience. But I wanted to keep this simple and clear as an introduction to the subject. I know many people have never heard of it, and many could benefit from an introduction. Nice, slow and easy. I also wanted to show how insidious the syndrome can be and how it can effect our lives in subtle, yet still overpowering ways that end up making us dysfunctional without realizing the grief we carry--sometimes at an unconscious level.

Althea: Now that you have started on this topic do you have any ideas for further stories that may involve womb twin survivors?

Sylvia: Actually, a fan suggested I continue with this story, making it a series. The suggestion was to write the next step in Bea’s life—A Life Of Her Own and the third, A Love of Her Own. Who knows? Depends on my muse. I do know this topic will continue to grow. I have been encouraged by those who read the advance reading copies, and of their interest in the topic. My hope is this tale opens up the subject for common discussion. It is a syndrome that impacts our lives more than many realize. Hopefully WT members will read this work and learn from it, and refer the book to others.

Also, Althea, because of my commitment to Womb Twin Survivors and the work your organization does to help other, for every book sold through Womb Twin connections, I will make a $1.00 donation to the organization. All a buyer need do is to let me know when and where they purchased the book. I can be reached at

The book is available or can be ordered online and brick and mortar bookstore. Folks with a U.S. shipping address can order an autographed copy of the book for my website at A War Of Her Own.

It is available on in the U.K. at 

And in Canada at:

Althea: Thank you, Sylvia, for your generous contribution. We wish you good luck.

Sylvia: Thank you for letting me share a part of my healing journey here on the blog and for all your effort at helping others.

Stepping into Space

As a womb twin survivor who's pretty much "done" in terms of healing, next week I'm giving everything up (lncluding food & personal hygiene!) to do a week long retreat. Will be living on a diet of low glycaemic juice, doing minduflness excercises & enduring enemas, compensated for by having massage & walks in shady woodland!

Whatever happens as a result of this week away is ok as I've let go of attachment to any outcome for my life; instead I'm open to what I'm called to do. This seems like stepping off the "floor of familiarity" into space, trusting that I'm looked after & that Divinge Guidance is there. My job is to listen & be still enough. When we are slow down & are still, that's when magic can enter our lives. There is a brilliant quote about one of our greatest causes of unhappiness being unable to sit still & alone with ourselves. As we progress along our healing path, that's most definitely true.


August 14, 2010

A new idea: a place to make a beautiful memorial to your womb twin

On the womb twin web site we have created a special place for every one of you to create a virtual memorial plaque for your womb twin. Each one looks like a little image sitting on a web page, barely visible, but when you click it it will enlarge as big as you want it, so you can see all the details.

A wonderful metaphor for the way that your lost womb twin seems so insignificant to the casual disinterested observer, so that that no one believes such an early loss can possibly matter at all. It's not until we take a REALLY close look, that we are able to see all the details - then the true extent of this loss is made visible.

It takes about a week for your special memorial to be created; there is a whole gallery of special images to use, or you can create your own image and send it to us. All it takes is a donation to and your memorial plaque will be up there for all the world to see.

We have developed the image of the birds, and they are all taking off into the blue...

It's just a trickle at the moment, but soon there will be hundreds.....  It's here. Take a look for yourself.

August 11, 2010


My name is Jo. My womb twin is Joy Elizabeth Sarah. She was absorbed into my body as a teratoma and surgically removed on April 5, 1989. That made for a horrid memory of a funeral for my sister. I have been "percolating" in the world of my womb  twin and very confused for a long time. I had my teratoma confirmed as a womb twin in 2008. (on the exact date of my 50th birthday...August 27, 2008) Since then I have baptized her, bought both of  us toys and treasures, and been completely obsessed with her.

Sunday, August 8, 2010, I taught my first Reiki Level One class. As with all things, when I teach, I learn the most. Joy spoke to me after I asked my co-teacher who has psychic abilities to talk to Joy for me. I was told three things:
  • I love you
  • I have always been with you
  • I would like mint ice cream for my birthday.
What happened for me is that I broke loose tears from a long time waiting.
After Sunday, and the new release of grief, I connected immediately back to my homeground with Womb I started blogging on the Womb Twin USA site and had the complete honor of talking to Monica over Skype.
(that conversation was yesterday, August 9, 2010).

TODAY, August 10, 2010, one of my adopted daughters was attempting to give birth. She ran into complications and the family engaged me as a prayer warrior. I did pray and I also asked permission to do distance Reiki.

As I was praying for Ashley and her C-Section birthing of  her baby Camryn, I felt called to image my opening up of my own of my abdomen where Joy, my wombtwin, resided for 30 years with me. As I continued to send Reiki to Ashley I too received a blessing. I felt my abdomen shrink into nothing and where my midsection scar remains from my surgery in 1989 feels like it is sunken in tissue and all shriveled up on either side of the scar. Joy is free, she is not mad at me for letting her go and I am going to just sit with this new event to see where it takes me.
Reiki seems yet another wonderful tool to help us heal and deal and feel our wombtwin world.
Submitted with love, respect, humility and intense gratefulness.
Goodbye JOY, from my abdomen and HELLO JOY to my world of memorial.
Josephine (Jo) 
WombTwin USA

August 10, 2010

USA: A beautiful ritual of farewell

This is from Barbara in the USA: 
Yesterday I said goodbye to my fraternal boy twin.  It was a most amazing spiritual and significant experience--words can't quite do it!   Accompanied by my friend Monica, I had THE MOST incredible farewell ceremony for Carl!  I had decided three days earlier that I needed to say goodbye. We were done, it was over, and I was ready to move forward, and rapidly.  The night before, I still had no idea how I wanted to say goodbye, but knew there was nothing tangible about him so there was nothing to tear, bury, burn, caress, hold.  In the morning we bought lots of very healthy food for my house, to nourish myself, and one nice loaf of bread for Carl ("Old World Bread with Caraway (care-away!) Seeds").  We drove to a beautiful white, sandy beach in Connecticut on Long Island Sound, in perfect weather--sun, a nice breeze, clean white sand and wonderful beachy air.  After hours of relaxing, sunbathing and dipping into the water, we decided it was the right time to say goodbye. As I was singing a song I chose in preparation for letting him go, two birds approached our blanket and sat in the sand, waiting.  There was no time to finish that perfect song.  They were not going to leave--NOW was the time!  I jumped up, went to the edge of the water, and started throwing bits of bread.  All the birds in the area heard about the free food and descended, eating happily as I was saying goodbye to Carl, running and dancing along the shore, laughing, throwing the bread, and watching all the LIFE that came to me as I was saying goodbye!  I was nourishing living animals and giving Carl back to nature.  Saying goodbye to one feeble dead being brought huge, happy, appreciative life to me, and even if it was for a short time (until the bread was gone), it was so symbolic of being a magnet for much more life ahead, by letting go of one little life that was keeping me back.
PS  Some of the birds lingered with us, sitting and resting on the sand with full tummies!

Did YOU hold a ritual for your twin? Let us know what it was like, it is always a wonderful and uplifting story.

August 08, 2010

Making memorials for your womb twins

I was wondering yesterday - let's make an IN MEMORIAM page on the main Womb Twin web site for womb twins from all around the world.  It would make an amazing public statement to see dozens - probably hundreds - of memorial plaques up there on the net!

I thought of a scheme where a womb twin survivor, for a small fixed sum donation, could choose to send a special image to HQ  (or select from a set of images already provided) with their name, their twin's name and a few words (no more than 6 words in fact)  and we at HQ  could create a little plaque that could go on the page and be there for the world to see, for as long as that person wishes.

Here is a rough example of what the page could look like (click the link here to see a experimental  sample page) - if you click each little memorial image then you will see an enlarged version in a small window.


What does everyone think of this idea? Is that the way to do it? Ideas please.

What could we do about triplets?

Feedback, ideas and comments please!

August 02, 2010

Is this relevant for you, too?

After watching Shadowlands on You Tube this evening, this video "appeared" - & certainly was the right thing to be in front of my eyes!  Maybe it will be of help to you, too. Please be aware that it's ok if you're not ready to forgive &/or find it hard to forgive.  It doesn't matter whether its yourself, others or both - just accept where you're at & ask for help in forgiving - note the line in the video about it "flowing through".  Hope you find it of value.


July 25, 2010

Womb Twin Survivors Conference: all welcome!

I am told that the advance publicity doesn't make it clear that absolutely anyone, womb twin survivor or not, is welcome at our conference.  

( Sorry! rather distracted by writing the book about womb twin survivors.) 

Annual conference   October 1st-3rd 2010

"Womb Twin Survivors"

Venue: All Saints Pastoral Centre London Colney, Herts England. [web site]

This will be the third international OPEN SPACE conference to be held on this subject. It will be a rare opportunity for everyone to learn more about a common occurrence in pregnancy that has been largely ignored - until very recently. It will be a chance for womb twin survivors, plus the people who live with them, work with them, try to help them or just want to learn more about them, can get together and discuss these issues. Only 40 places are available, so early booking is recommended.

We need to know exact numbers for forward planning, so please register your intention to come as soon as you can : we can arrange payment later. (Payment by credit card or PayPal)

Our conference is YOUR conference!  Register here 

("Open space" means we can talk about anything we want, in 12 different spaces on the Saturday and Sunday, and you can come along and make a presentation yourself if you like if there is something special you need to talk about or discuss. I know that hoarding/clutter is one thing and food is another - what would YOU like to come and talk about? )

Comments please! 

July 23, 2010

Progress in Ireland....

Last week a poster advertising a lecture on Bi-polar caught my eye.   This was a chance to meet someone who was regularly treating womb twin survivors & was not aware of it.   This someone was pshychiatrist Dr. Patrick McKeown of St. Patrick's Hospital, Dublin.  Dr McKeown is also a director of Aware, an Irish Mental Health Charity.

When I arrived at the Swift Hall I met another of Aware's Director who told me that it would not be possible to see the Doc because he was so busy.  I gave her a copy of "Untwinned" with my contact details & implored her to get him to read it explaining that one in ten of the audience couple probably be treated without medication.  It was strange sitting with 150 people who probably depend on Lithium, Epilim or some other chemical concoction to keep them "balanced" when there was knowledge available that could set many of them free.

The lecture covered symptoms, treatments regimes, types of "BP" (bi-polar) & something called "co-morbidity" - essential two simultaneously occcuring symptoms. eg.  Suicidal tendencies & manic behaviour.  Dr McKeown said "Where these co-morbid conditions get in we don't really know ...."  Well, we've a good idea, haven't we?  
Anyway, I did succeed in meeting Dr. K who was aware of the impact of losing a born twin, but not the womb twin survivor phenomenom.  He is going to read the book so let's hope that results in more people being put our way & fewer to the pharmacy!

July 19, 2010

Hello From British Columbia,Canada

Blog post for July 20th 2010,

Sometimes life is such a funny thing. Not funny Ha ,ha, but funny, insert the theme song to the Twilight Zone, T.V. Programme. That old familiar high pitched 'nee ne, nee ne, nee ne, nee ne' my favorite television program of my childhood. Memories of a simpler time when the world was not yet plugged into cell phones, iPods, PC's, DVD's, CD's& MP3's. Over scheduled, over stimulated, and over loaded. When communicating actually meant having a conversation with out using abbreviations. AND with an actual person, either in person (wow, what a concept!) or at least on the other end of a telephone line. A time when kids actually respected their Elders, granted, maybe out of fear than out of respect. But respected none the less. Where the English language was actually a thoughtful and thought out experience. Not littered with slang and curse words. When going down to the corner store with 2 bits could buy you more junk food loaded with penny candies, than you could actually eat in one sitting. I miss those almost forgotten by-gone days of my childhood.

The other day I got a call from my niece, whom I miss dearly. Unfortunately she lives approx. 365 km from me ( or 3 1/2 hours through the Rocky Mountains ). Remarkably, she is a part time co-parent of four boys all aged 5 and under. Yes, she is a super-Mom in my eyes. Something she claims she learned of me. In this conversation she explained that she just needed some Auntie time, as it has been a while since we have had any quality time together. We have always been very close through the years. We have ALWAYS been there for each other through thick and thin. I was remiss at forgetting the intimacy of the familial bond. Years and years of shared memories, experiences, morel support and history. It's a rare luxury for us to enjoy over an hour long, uninterrupted conversation. ( Finding out that the boys were actually down for a nap.)

Ahhh, lovely nap time!

During the course of the conversation she brought me up to speed on the goings on in her busy life. She shared with me her recent ups and downs and challenges. She shared with me funny stories that can only come from raising 4 boys, which made me laugh till I cried.

One story in particular amazed me. My niece told me that for the past month or so, her son has been playing with an 'imaginary friend'. I told her that this is totally normal and that she had a friend when she was little too. (so did her brothers) My niece told me how one day she was in the kitchen when she over heard my nephew. He was splitting a gut, belly laughing his head off. Curiosity got the better of her so she had to go investigate. He was all alone in him room entertaining himself , playing cars. She asked him why was he laughing,? He said he was just playing with his friend. Later that day she asked her ex if he had noticed the boy playing with an imaginary friend. Well, not only had the boy been playing with his friend, but that they in fact play all the time and have great fun. My nieces' ex also revealed that the boy talks to him all the time about his imaginary friend. But refuses to talk to her about him!

My nephew revealed to his Dad that his friends' name is MICHAEL. My niece asked me if I knew anyone named Michael close to the family who had passed away. Shocked, I told her that my twins name was Michael! That her little son , who could never have known his Great Uncle THIS side of life, has unknowingly been playing with him for the past month or so! I was absolutely convinced, while my niece was struck silent. I was certain that my nephew was being entertained by my dear long dead twin brother.

All at once I was jealous that he was spending time with my nephew and not me! But in the very same instant I was happier than happy that Michael was still in some way claiming our family. Interacting with the youngest members as an imaginary friend. In spite of his absence in my life, he is a great playmate to my great nephew. Then as my nephew woke from his nap, refreshed,ready for lunch, and more play. My niece told him Auntie Leslie was on the phone, through the phone line I could hear his little voice. I told him to say hi to his friend for me, my twin brother, Michael. At that he mischievously giggled , a knowing giggle and hollered "No Way"! Giving me all the validation I needed. Confirmed

Yeah, life IS sometimes quite funny....

When we go and leave this world we don't really leave.

Live In Peace and Peace Will Live in You!

July 18, 2010 Ltd

July 17th was the third birthday of Ltd,  the non-profit organisation with members which  has initiated special support for womb twin survivors around the world.

A document telling the whole extraordinary story of the development of  can be downloaded here. 

July 12, 2010


In my life as a single person, with no concept of my wombtwin(s), I always wondered why I had SO MANY interests, skills, and a desire to NOT settle on one thing, because it would deprive me of doing all the other things that interested me. Focusing on one thing was very disappointing. As a child and passionate musician from the very beginning, I wanted to play ALL the instruments in the orchestra. I settled on being a pretty good violinist, but also studied the piano and flute, with accompanying sadness that I couldn’t master them too. As a college student, I did not want to choose a major, because that meant I would have to give up studying other things in depth. Being interested, and very good at, math, and also interested in French and music, I ended up as a psychology major. Although I am a pretty good speaker of the French language, I studied one year of German and Spanish, and feel sorry that I can’t speak them with more proficiency, not to mention ALL the languages in the western world.

It turns out that, as I discovered that I am a wombtwin with a brother I lost, and maybe someone else too, I learned that I have a severe problem with simple numbers. I know that “a couple” means two. Those “twos” who have tortured me by pointing out my singleness, those wedding rings that have reminded me that I am only one, and any sentences containing the word “we” or “my husband/wife/partner and I” led me into the blackest hole that was maybe responsible for discovering I am a wombtwin. The exact number “2” or any implication that someone was part of a twosome, caused me to bury myself in my house and my bed, because you can’t go into the world without encountering the above. Back to the subject: My brilliant and compassionate guide in the wombtwin journey and I discovered that I have mistaken the phrase “a couple of…” to be some undefined number, what others call “a few of,” a number of maybe 2, 3, or 4, but definitely not exactly 2. So is my “couple” my wombtwin and and I as one, my mother as the second? My 2 twins (triplets) as one and me as 2? My wombtwin and I as “one or so” and some other combination of people, such as my parents as another “one or so?” Exactly what does “a couple of” mean?

I have also learned that I do unusual and messy things when it comes to basic counting. I just bought 3 expensive tickets for my daughter and myself to a top notch award winning musical, thinking I’ll find someone for the third space (My wombtwin? My womb triplets sharing a seat because they’re so small?) I have one extra place at my kitchen table than I need, even with the expected guests that may come by, because you never know if an extra person may surprise me. While I have complained about the trauma of being in some kind of triangle all my life, which I had to manage because 3 is hard (ie. making sure my mother didn’t get jealous of my father’s relationship with me) I find myself in threes more than probability could possibly create (ie. my husband, me, and his mistress!). Listing them all would take up too much space.

In this wonderful and painful path of discovery, I find myself saying “I have done/do enough things for 3 people.” Which is true, and is causing me to explore the possibility of a third one. I am finally starting, actually forcing myself, to narrow down to 2 or 3 things, which is a great improvement from infinity. I am finding some rewards from aiming to do just “a couple of” things well. I am also trying to discover just exactly how many people I am.