October 02, 2014
With Althea's passing, it is important we all recognize the significance of carrying on her work so that future Womb Twin Survivors get the help she worked so hard to make available. While this marks the end of Althea's active participation, it is by no means an end, nor is it a slowing down, instead it heralds a new chapter to take her work forward based on seven years of refining and effectiveness so that her legacy can be realized and utilized - particularly since the in vitro/selective reduction babies are coming of age. So here's what's next: - Womb Twin as a non-profit organization is alive and well in St Albans, UK with Celeste Hardingham as Chairman, appointed by Althea. - Womb Twin will continue indefinitely as an administration with a board of directors, however, it relies on donations so we need help with fundraising. Write a letter of request to 20 people with the womb twin donation link (from website) so that they can make direct donations. It's that simple and you never know until you ask! Remember, We no longer have Althea's efforts to populate the donation pool, so all hands on deck! - Wren Publications will be administered by Philip Hayton, Althea's son. What a blessing to have his help managing Althea's vast world of books which she published herself out of her determination to help womb twin survivors of all ages get the material they need, and which is available nowhere else. - Keep Spreading the word about this syndrome and Womb Twin organization in order to raise awareness, so that those who need help can get it, and hopefully to help prevent future cases. -Expand the work in guiding Therapists, which was Althea's last effort "Ripples from the Womb" yet which was only the beginning of a much-needed way to bridge traditional therapy with the special needs of this under-the-radar population. In other words, if those who need help don't seek us out, we can at least prepare therapists to identify and then treat womb twin survivors. Onward and Upward, it's time to reciprocate Althea for her generosity of spirit and pay her work forward into the world now...
August 19, 2014
With great sadness, let it be known that pioneer and "Goddess of All Things Womb Twin" as I liked to call her, Althea Hayton, has left our little world for the great beyond. She passed peacefully with loved ones, succumbing to ALS on Wednesday. Though this loss will be felt surely by all who ever came into contact with her, the impact of this loss long term cannot be measured. The progress she made to identify and treat a condition so off the radar, has not only saved and improved lives directly but has radically transformed everything we know about humanity. She did so much in the past seven years to establish this syndrome and its healing path, this leaves much for us to build on for an idea whose time has not yet come but is getting nearer. As the person who received the most guidance & mentoring from her, both personally and as a practitioner of her work, I shall endeavor to pass on the knowledge to keep the spark alive and to do the work, raise awareness, and continue to make Althea proud by helping people with her wisdom. It's up to all of us now to make Althea proud given the rich legacy she has left us and we know too much now to ever turn back... Farewell, Althea, Let us pray that you are at Peace with your womb twin, Ben, together again at last! Love & Blessings from Monica Hudson,Womb Twin USA
August 03, 2014
Whether you are a living twin, a twinless twin or a womb twin survivor, your in-utero relationships gave you an awareness singletons don't have. These early imprints created dynamics that play out in relationships, which can be harnessed & healed, when made conscious. Many people find it hard to believe early loss of a twin or multiple in the womb can affect someone. In my experience of working with many twinless twins and womb twin survivors - of all genders, zygosities, ages - the earlier the loss, the deeper the trauma. That being said, let us be grateful that the twinless twins mentioned in this article, got to be born and have a relationship with their twin. Each sacred day, hour, moment they had together was a cherished gift before it all changed forever... https://abcnews.go.com/Health/twinless-twins-grieve/story?id=24780120
May 15, 2014
I have a website dedicated to twin loss of all types. It has other types of loss on it as well but mainly twin loss. I post twin loss articles from other websites as well as touching stories. I also have my twin loss story on there with pictures. Click here to view.
Posted by Anonymous at 21:50
April 06, 2014
Because our earliest sensory ability to develop is hearing, even those who lost a twin in the womb very early will have sensed their twin thru their ears and skin, before they even have a heart or brain. The perception of sounds of blood, fluid, movement, and later heartbeats (twins/multiples, mother) are where the primary relationships begin. When a twin dies at this stage it can be such a shock to the surviving twin they become deaf as a way to shut down this channel of communication. Sometimes deafness occurs on the side where the twin was positioned in relation to the survivor. One day I was approached by a living identical twin who had mild separation anxiety about his twin, which the other twin didn't seem to have, and on this particular day he seemed to be having a bit of an existential crisis so we went to his safe place in the park and sat under a tree. He was mourning who they would have been if their egg hadn't split and they had remained one omnipotent human being! This was an unusual sense of loss for a living twin so we did some work to discover there had been another one, a triplet male, who he had been closer to. We arranged leaves in a pattern on the grass to resemble where each was positioned in the womb and identified that this was behind his crisis, he went back to work feeling better. Over the next couple days a miracle happened via technology and this person, who had always been deaf in his right ear, was suddenly able to hear with the help of Google Glass. Please read the incredible story (featured with his permission) here: http://www.fastcompany.com/3015749/voices-in-your-head-how-google-glass-lets-a-half-deaf-person-hear It is worth considering that by acknowledging the loss of this third one, just before his Google Glass experience, something moved him closer to hearing so that when the opportunity presented itself his defenses could allow this moment of hearing in. Or perhaps allowed him a happy rather than painful experience at the very least. When we release the repressed pain, it gives us new energy to make new possibilities in our lives. And this story continues to have a happy ending and new beginning…Congrats to David on his recent move to San Francisco. He has purchased 6 womb twin paintings to take with him as he thrives far away from his East Coast twin.
February 23, 2014
To Womb Twin US - Monica, My husband and I have two sons, a 3 year old and a 19 month old. Our youngest is a twin, and unfortunately we lost his brother 6 months into the pregnancy. I have often wondered if the difficulties he is facing is linked to losing his brother. After today and reading blogs and information, I am almost sure of it. For the most part he is a happy and healthy child. He laughs and runs and does everything little boys do. He isn't saying as many words as the "typical" child his age, but I am not worried as I know he understands a lot. The "problems" are with his sleep and moods on some days. He will not fall asleep without me next to him. There have been times he has taken a nap on his own, but that is rare. He has now dropped his nap altogether. He still wakes up every 2-3 hours at night, and cannot sooth himself back to sleep. It takes me laying with him again to get him to go back to sleep. Frequently he wakes up screaming and is hard to sooth. He is also very attached to me. Which is fine. But he wants to be held all day long or be right next to me. He will go off and explore around the house, or play with his brother, or play on his own, but it seems like he "checks in" with me a lot more frequently and intensely than his brother did. I know he is only 19 months old. I know he can't go to therapy. But I was wondering if you had any advice or knew of anything I could do to help him. Anything you can provide or any direction you can point me in would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much, WTS Mom --------- Dear WTS Mom, First of all, let me say that being the kind of Mother you are to research this is validating to your son and to us all. In fact, it heralds a new day for WTS (womb twin survivors) and their families everywhere. For you to have the inquisitiveness and courage to ask what you can do to help your son, regardless of your own feelings about this loss, is hugely rare and I can’t thank you enough for contacting us. Baby WTS are in extreme twin replacement mode. In order to manage the shock of living on earth without their twin, mother becomes “m(ain)other” as do the primary relationships in succession of their twin. The pain of loss is buried in adapting to making these relations their twin since that’s all they know. They are here so they must cling to survival but they have already learned it is a perilous journey and people cannot be trusted because they disappear and cause pain in ways too big for a tiny baby to navigate. Toddlers get worn out with separation anxiety, checking to make sure the world is reliable. Trust and consistency are huge in a world where things come and go without saying goodbye. Where mastery of the universe is hard-won but empty without their twin. Incessant crying and irritability, seeking mom out, unable to self soothe are all signs that a WTS needs assurance that the people with whom they are bonding, won’t disappear forever. They are frustrated with good reason, they are vulnerable, insecure and limited and must cling to life. They often feel their twin got the better end of the deal as they learn to navigate solo. They need constant assurance that they will be ok, others will be ok, life is ok. Sleep becomes a regressive womb time when babies can feel the watery world of their twin memory, not bound by air, time or light or people who aren’t their twin. This regression to their true nature is important for their replenishment as they sleep, it soothes them from the shock of living solo. On the other hand, this can be the time when PTSD-charged memories are accessed – where the baby relives the unspeakable horror they experienced during, and following, the demise of their twin. Depending on when and how this happened, all details will shape the complex which continually gets laid down as the brain develops, since much of the original trauma is stored in body memory due to timing of the trauma against limbic embryonic development. Your son was already 6 months a twin before they were separated (to put this in perspective, I was born at 6 months and am a fully functioning person developmentally.) The key is to download it into the brain as it develops, so that it can be expressed and healed, rather than repressed and buried. What you resist persists, ignoring it won’t make it go away, it will most likely make it worse. Thus begins a lifetime of synchronistic extreme duality, which is also an expression of his twoness. Although nighttime/dreamtime is synonymous with the subconscious, and can be scary for all little ones learning to be conscious, it sounds as though your son may have lost his twin at night and may be waking up in terror at that time for this reason. The realization that he is alone while suffering the PTSD loss of his twin causes him to need a twin replacement and mother more than normal. You are doing the right thing by being this "twin surrogate" and bless you for having the courage to face this in light of the fact that you suffered the loss of a child and have your own grief process. On that note, any info you can share about how the twin went at 6 mos would be helpful in understanding the dynamics of the womb imprint. I strongly encourage you to stick it out – you must walk through the flames to get to the other side, not around them. Avoidance, ignorance, separation only adds fuel to the fire. Meanwhile here are some tips: -Give in to being the twin replacement as much possible, in order to ease his transition to trusting relationships again. Play peek-a-boo games to remind him that people disappear but come back smiling. -Leave your scented scarf in his crib at night to ease the pain of sleeping alone. Sleep with him as needed (no Ferber Method) knowing this is a surrogate bonding time that helps your son, which you both will outgrow when it’s right for you. -Teach boundaries, yes, by all means this is crucial to WTS who have little/none, but give in to them without beating yourself up for it. WTS need constant duality as an expression of their twin nature, so don’t feel hypocritical, tune in to their flip-flop game so you can honor their alpha/beta duality and not get worn out in confusion. -Give him several twin replacements so that he learns to rely on more than one, this will give you a break and allow you both to transition from each other – it also provides an all-important back up if one gets lost. On that note, whatever symbols you use as twin replacements should be replaceable, this means buy several and store them away so that if ever one is lost there is another to avoid retriggering the trauma of loss. -Allow your son to put his favorite stuffed animal into a pillowcase (or cover it with a laundry basket) and then reveal it, this control over such events will go a long way in helping him feel secure following the uncontrollable disappearance of his twin. -Use the power of symbol over words and engage all senses: sight, sound, smell, space. Recognize his hypersensitivity and brilliance. -Use aromatherapy: lavender and marjoram in baths, in room at night, will calm his separation anxiety and promote sleep. -Recognize your own grief/loss and keep it separate from his; when appropriate, bring it together with his so that he isn’t alone with his loss. -Elicit info about his womb story while it’s fresh, figuring out the dynamics of the intrauterine imprint will help us help him. Talk about what you remember of his twin too, commiserating may seem like bringing up pain but it has the opposite effect to a WTS who always feels pain, it helps them feel less alone with it which is a huge comfort when being alone is the problem to begin with. Identifying details that will help guide his course of treatment: was his twin identical or fraternal? male or female? how did his twin perish? how long was the twin in distress? what name shall be given to this lost twin? birth details? premature/nicu/incubator? (provide timing) IVF/ART? other complications/circumstances? -Be the vehicle of expression for the unspeakable, encourage him to talk thru you and then speak very matter of factly about his twin, the WTS energy and verbal reactions will guide you and you will be amazed at what he knows. -Read “Two Little Birds” and “Koko’s Magical Gift” to your son, it will go a long way toward bridging his inner and outer realities. See more age appropriate info and resources by going to Womb Twin Kids: http://www.wombtwin.com/womb-twin-kids/4578498382 -Read the work of Allesandra Piontelli. John Bowlby’s work on Attachment & Loss, Louise Kaplan Oneness to Separateness: From Infant to Individual. Consider contacting Claudia Pinheiro of Womb Twin Portugal, she has extensive knowledge about working with babies and is a WTS as well as the mother of a WTS. What you are already doing for your son is on track and beyond what any of us could hope for. Thank you for this tremendous gift. I look forward to advising you as your little WTS grows, so do keep us posted. This work can begin at any age, in fact it already has so let’s keep our blinders off as we walk the road of preventative healing together. Please feel free to share more about your son and how these techniques may have worked for you both. Monica - Womb Twin US